Here’s how to personalise your wedding ceremony.

The following are a few ideas to help you along the way. Your ceremony can be as short or as different as you want. The transition of going from one part of the ceremony to another should flow as smoothly as possible. Remember there are a few rules, which you must abide with to make your ceremony legal.

1. The celebrant must say the Monitum,
2. And somewhere in the ceremony usually during the vows your full names must be used (unless they have been said earlier in the ceremony) and the vows must be said aloud by yourselves to each other in the presence of witnesses, see below for examples.

 First things First – Work Out:

• Time, Date and Location
• Religious or Civil Ceremony
• Traditional or Non Traditional
• Multicultural

Processional

This is the very beginning of your ceremony.  It is here you can have your personal choice of music and organise who walks in with the bride.

(a) Bride and Groom walk together- arm in arm and give hugs to parents and family members
(b) Father or Mother of the Bride accompanies the Bride
(c) Family member or friend accompanies the Bride
(d) Bride walks alone
(e) Groom and Best Man lead , followed by bride’s maids, then stand and turn to face Bride as she walks up the isle.
(f) Children’s involvement
(g) Grandparents first, followed by parents and then Bridal party

Introduction

Welcoming words by celebrant.  Speaks about the meaning of marriage through the eyes of the Bride and Groom.  Where they met etc and why this location and date. Using gentle humour with the approval of the couple of course.

Music 

A wide variety of choices.  Choosing your favourite song allows you to express your feelings to the guests. 

If recorded music is to be used, make sure that you have a good sound system available and a designated operator who is familiar with the equipment and brief them on timing and volume.

Monitum (Celebrant Authority)

This is the essential part of any marriage ceremony.  This is where the Marriage celebrant who is not a religious minister of a recognised denomination must establish their authority and caution the bride and groom as to the solemn and binding nature of marriage.  The words said at this point in time by the Celebrant cannot be changed – they are set in concrete by the Marriage Act 1961, section 46(1). Here is an example:

Now I, Rosanna Francis, a Civil Celebrant,
Am duly authorised by law
To solemnise marriages
According to law. 
Before you Brad, and you Anna,
Are joined in marriage in my presence
And in the presence of your family and friends
I am to remind you
Of the solemn and binding nature of the relationship
Into which you are about to enter
Marriage, according to law in Australia
Is the union of a man and a woman
To the excluding of all others
And is voluntarily entered into for life.

The Asking  (Pledge)

This is a traditional part of the ceremony and not a legal requirement, so it can be left out if you so desire. It should not be confused with the marriage vows, which will follow next.  It is here where you can influence the tone of your ceremony by choosing the many variations of language, traditional, modern or folksy. It is here the Bride gives her witness or Bride’s maid her flowers to hold.

Traditional

Brad, do you take Anna as your lawful wedded wife?
Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honour and protect her?
And be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?
Anna:  I do

Modern

Anna, will you therefore take Brad to be your lifelong partner?
Will you continue to be thoughtful and caring and giving of yourself?
Will you always, honour your relationship with Brad above all things?
Brad:  I will

Folksy

Relatives and friends, are you willing, now and always, to support this marriage?
Do you Brad and Anna, pledge yourselves to each other?
Do you pledge to be kind, faithful, affectionate, tender and true companions all the days of your life together?
Bride & Groom:  We do

Vows (samples supplied too by celebrant)

According to the Marriage Act 1961, section 45(2).  The vows must contain at minimum the following words.

“I call upon the persons here present to witness that I, Brad John Cooper take thee, Anna Marree Dawn Laidley to be my lawful wedded wife” or words to that effect.
Each party- Bride and Groom must make the statement of intent. 

When saying your vows, you should look at each other, not at the celebrant. By law the celebrant and the two witnesses have to be able to hear you say your vows.

(a) You can create your own vows but remember you must use the above sentence somewhere in the wording
(b) You can memorise your own vows and say them to each other
(c) You can ask to repeat them after the Celebrant

Example of Vows:

I call upon the persons here present to witness
That I Anna Laidley, take you, Brad Cooper to be my lawful wedded husband.
I pledge to share our life together openly
To speak the truth to you always
I promise to respect and care for you
To love you through good times and bad
And for the rest of our lives together. 

Exchange of Rings

The exchange of rings can be done as a separate part of the ceremony after the vows or at the same time as the vows.
As with the Vows, there are thousands of versions in regular use. 

(a) The Best man can hold the rings and pass them onto the Celebrant or to the Groom and then onto Bride
(b) The Rings can be passed around to family members in a small bag or tray for wishes or ring warming
(c) If a small wedding – rings can go around to each guest for a blessing.

You can choose other symbols besides rings, eg. Bracelets, necklaces, meaningful items. This is the part of the ceremony where you are exchanging something long-lasting; as long as you live, this symbol will be a reminder of the promises that you made at your wedding.

Example of wording

Anna my love, this ring is the token of my love, and of the hopes and all the joys I most dearly behold in you. You are my promise and my most magically answered plea, you are my wish, my dream, my quest; you are my gift, my lover, my double, my perfectly matched mate. You are my light, my love, my limbs, my soul’s most mirroring shadow, and my body’s closest friend. I marry you with this ring, with all that I have and all that I am.

Reading

Just like the music, there are thousands of ideas to choose from.  Why not get an older child or dear friend to read you favourite poem or reading.  

Sub Ceremony (optional)

You may choose to add a sub ceremony into your ceremony at this point in time.  The serious part of your wedding ceremony is over and it is time to go ahead and really enjoy yourself if you haven’t done so already.

Here are some ideas:

• Giving gifts to the stepchildren and pledging to be faithful and true
• Jumping the Broom (African tradition)
• Celtic rituals – hand fasting or Brigid’s cross
• Breaking the Glass – Jewish tradition
• Sharing of wine
• Sawing wood
• Planting a tree
• Asian Tea ceremony
• Unity Candle
• Stones
• Sand ceremonies
• Honouring the land – Aboriginal tradition
• Smoking Ceremony – Aboriginal tradition
• Singing together
• Lords Prayer

Declaration of Marriage

If you wish you can now be declared married – for example
“It is my great pleasure to declare you to be husband and wife.

Kiss

The Signing

The Bridal party and witnesses sign the certificates. 

Presentation of the Certificates

The Celebrant hands the certificates to the Bride and Groom and then introduces the couple to the guests by their first names as husband and wife or as Mr and Mrs……
Is the bride taking the surname of her husband?

Recessional

This is the final part of the ceremony.  Who escorts who down the isle- after the Bride and groom.  Do the groom’s men escort the bridesmaids or do they escort the grandparents.  There is no right way or wrong way- simply what works for you.

Whilst some couples have a formal exit, many couples now accept hugs, kisses and congratulations from their guests at this point, and have me say something like ” Anna and Brad would like you all to stay for a group photograph, after which they invite you to proceed to….where the reception will commence at….. Thank you, Ladies and Gentlemen”.

Don’t forget I have many different ceremonies, readings and poems for your consideration. Once you have an idea of what you would like, give me a call and together we can write and finalise your ceremony, ready for the big day.

Good Books to read:

How To Say I Do - Make your civil marriage ceremony your own.
By Mandy Newman 2005 Allen & Unwin

"Ceremonies & Celebrations",
By Dally R. Messenger